Feelings...

Thoughts kill,

This is personal, and i'm not even sure why i am going to post this, maybe to clear the air, for myself.

My brother, wants the best for me... but, he doesn't know what i want, he doesn't understand what makes me tick, why i do things, why i live, what makes me get up each morning... i don't expect him too, although it would be nice, were best friends... i think, only one person in my entire life, has ever known me, REALLY, known me... looked past my words, my thoughts, my actions, saw me entirely for who i am, and what i offer...

Well one person isn't good enough for me, i mean it is, if that one person was for you, Best friends, is where that ends. I wish i was able to explain myself, why i live, breath.. one word comes to mind, cliche as it may be, Love. God's Love, my Love, Others Love. Although, it is one word, I cannot live like it is just a word...

I have a problem, I pour myself into everything I do, a few people in life told me that is not a problem, its glorious... I grew up believing that, but the voice of the many more who warned me, pain is down that road.. Those voices are starting to change me..

People, are unreliable, I'm starting to see that more and more, everyone with there own agendas, own lives... I think the reason that bothers me, is cause we lose sight of God's creation, his body, the church, his people.. we don't LOVE all the saints, we miss the lesser in our own eyes, we have our friends, we have our respected peers, what about the boy down a couple pews who doesn't have any friends, or the girl who feels like no one knows her, or understands her... I don't know about you, but i know I've felt both ways before, and even though it might be an exaggeration, its still feelings, that go unnoticed.. i know when I've been there, all i needed was a hug, which 98% of the time never came. it hurts...

I guess what i'm saying is, it sucks, being me, and no ones notices... it seems, to be noticed, to be noticed by women, or a certain woman, i have to be someone different than i am, the only woman who has ever gotten to know me well, loved how i was, and im confidant EVERY girl would, but girls don't want a "nice" guy, or whatever, they want something different now, but regret that later.. i guess thats why nice guys finish last.

Life worth Living

The best we will ever have, comes when we give up the best we ever had.
in and of ourselves, we can do nothing, living happens when we give up our life.

A seed falls into the ground and DIES before it grows into a tree.
the smallest seed, can produce the largest tree.
We don't know what we can do, untill we give up what we've done to HIM.
Not a physical loss, a spiritual one, we have to surrender FULLY, in order to win.

Life lost, is eternity gained.

just, walking.

Walking down, this road I’m on, I see many things, things that grab my attention, things that draw my heart. Things that hurt my eyes, things that sound good, but end up in destruction. Walking down this beautiful road, I see many of God’s wonders. Walking down this wretched path, I see nothing but pain and suffering, loss and torment. Two worlds collide, two sides of everything. Evil verse good, always choices, all these choices.

Its easy to get lost down this road, to lose yourself amongst the people who wonder each and every way, you lose your focus, your sight on HIS glory. Where has it all gone, is it still real? Things creep in, Thoughts torture you mind, your ideas turn against you in the long run, pain tares you down, rips at your soul, pulling you down, the opposite way your heart wants to go.

Among all this grey mess, a light appears, turning everything bright, easy seen is the path now. Goals, ideals, thoughts, love it all makes sense, it is all comprehendible, things start to become clear, you laugh, the light grows, surrounds you in love, like a warm blanket raising you up above the crowded people, making your way, up the road, the path, the journey to HIM.

Melody so sweet, your voice leads us, thank you oh God, your love is greater than the depths of the ocean.

Friends...

I know I’m not perfect, But I’m working on that.
Each of us have our own Story, waiting to be written.
This tale of is ours, each individually.
We write each chapter, we decide what becomes of it.
God puts people in our lives for a reason,
From someone at work who slips you a smile,
Too a friend who lends you their hand.

It’s Funny how the small things affect us the most in the long run.

I have seen the Influence of a Good friend.
The joy a good day brings.
The ability to live for GREATER THINGS.

I’m glad we’ve met,
I’m glad you’ve been there.
I thank God he put you in my life.
Every time you smile at me, I feel God’s love raining down on me.
Dear Friend,
You are special to me.

A funny thing..

Apparently im not good at getting my point across...

I say one thing, and people take it a completely different way, i dont mean like a dirty joke or anything. i mean real, heart to heart conversations.. or ideas, or thoughts..

and i know that it isnt me, or the way im thinking.. but i think people want to hear things sometimes, and it doesnt matter what you say, they only hear what they want to hear..

Appreciation..

Well, good talent Never Appreciated.. maybe when your handsome, or make a big deal about it, or have natural Charisma. maybe than,

OMG, (oh my goodness)

So i had a personal Crisis the other day, and since i didn't have a Blog than, i'll write about it now.

So i was reading through my old journal, which dates back too august 2008, and reading some thoughts of mine, poems, ideas, pains i went through, fun i had.. etc etc. and I realized i was going through the same things i was going through almost a year ago, although i have matured a little, and life is completely different now, same thing, new scene.

it made me think, my life is pretty sad, i don't know what to make of it... SAME exact stuff, just new names.

Hmmmmmmmmmmm, Interesting.

Life less Ordinary.

Random thoughts, random ideas. what brings Order to these thoughts that go through my head, i don't know.

Anyways, Why is there so much ado aboutnothing. i mean, so many walls Raised, grudges held, baggage packed. over, NOTHING, i'm all about having things in the open, if i feel some way about someone i tell them. I mean why waste your life away making nonsensical problems, with and about nothing.

If you feel some way about me, that isn't from God, or what God wants, talk to me, if you have a problem talk to me, i don't want anything to come between us, Friends.

....in love

Brothers, and sisters. Mothers and fathers. Listen listen listen.

I Have a crush on a song, Falling Slowly.