Life less Ordinary,

I always thought, of myself of my life of what I wanted, as Romantic…

Some people hold high opinions of themselves, of their future successes.

Me, since I can remember, all I’ve wanted was someone, a love to call my own.

I wanted to get married, settle down, to live for my wife, for my kids, their future would secure my own.

But what I’ve come to realize, although not wanting too, is that living for that dream, for someone else.

I was missing out on my own life, on happiness now, on living a young person’s life, not for the future.

I relied too much on other people to make me happy, making sure everyone around me was enjoying life, I missed out on life… Or so it seems, Part of me wants to explode from this life I’ve built myself, and be my own person living for myself, having fun, living each day for that day. But a bigger part of me, just wants to wait, for that person, to please that person, to make my family happy.

I love, loving people, I know the reason God put me here on earth is to love with His love.

But the problem I’m having with this is that, It is near impossible to love with God’s love, when you are not living for Him completely, even when you are, parts of yourself are in your love for others.

What I think I mean by this is that, when I love others completely, but I do not love myself the way I love others, I end up sunk. I put my feelings emotions love onto people, instead of securing them in God.

Basically end story, I sit at home and write this,

My brain is impossible to understand, how I work is a marvel to myself, I have no idea what God was smoking when he created me, but this I do know… He created me for a reason, He created me like THIS for a reason, and although I have only had a small glimpse into what that may be, I know I can, and should trust him to bring me to the point of using me for whatever I was meant to be used for.

I always saw myself getting married young, I’m a one woman man, and by that I mean one and done. I am not the dating type, I fall in love way to easily. But each day that passes, I realize more and more, that I may be quite older before I actually get married, before I settle down, and have those kids, and have that family…

I need to know who I am fully before I take on the responsibility of love, of marriage, of family. Sucks because as I said before, I’m extremely complicated, I have no idea how long it’ll take for me to be figured out, but I have a sneaking suspicion that God knows exactly when I will figure that out, and exactly when I should be, and will be married, and when I will find that One woman for this man.

Love having a God who is Omniscient.